Quit Falling into the Representative Syndrome

I am often asked for relationship advice and I sound like a broken record… Stop falling for the Sales Rep. is my first thought, and then I have to ask…”What are you Selling?”  It’s basically a broadway show until you let down the mask and meet the person’s true character.  This usually takes place after a month or more.  The challenge is to remember your first impression whether positive or negative is of the Representative they chose to send.  The person they want you to see… confident, strong, independent, secure, nurturing, and loveable.  This happens because we want to impress with all the cool gadgets we want them to see as our greatest skills.

So you work your sale of sharing your talents and strengths, charming them enough until they are sold.  Once either party feels like you have passed the initial assessment, which of course is of the representative, only then do we start to act naturally.  Our true character comes out.  Not all of those character traits are strong, confident, independent, secure or loving.  This is the moment one or both parties sit in amazement!!  Wow…. this isn’t the person I met and have been communicating with for the last month.  Of course not, you met the Representative that was sent to impress you to see if you would bite.

This happens on a daily basis and isn’t going to change anytime soon.  This ritual is part of the mating process.  Puff up your chest and shake your beautiful feathers a bit to draw attention.  Once the initial connection is over, the real person opens the door and says now lets see if you really want the stuff I have packed away that you may not find attractive.

This is why we are becoming so disappointed in relationships, because we are living in a world of instant gratification.  Forgetting every time that the person you meet is not the real person but the representative, you want them NOW and instantly fall for the representative.  Then… when they act poorly or say or do something you find unacceptable for you…. You say to yourself… “See I told you he/she was too good to be true.”  Ready to jump ship as soon as one of you realizes you are about to be revealed and you can’t keep up your staged presentation.

Of course they are not perfect, no one is perfectly put together at all times.  You need to respect their imperfections to give you a new perspective.  Their vulnerabilities will appear and when they do, do you see them as flaws/non-negotiables/red flags, or are they inconsequential to you.  Many wont even notice your insecurities if you respect yourself and your needs.  Because they have their own and are hoping for the same respect from you.

The goal is to become more respectful of yourself so when you do meet others, you are confident in showing up honestly and authentically.  A lower dose of your representative will appear.  If you want someone to respect you, you will have to do the same.  Especially after both representatives disappear.  Thats when you learn if this is the right person for you.  Not in the first month or maybe more of meeting the representative.  That’s the fluff.

The best relationships are born out of trust, respect and time.  Not falling in love with the rep that sells you all the bells and whistles.  This is not what they really want to you to see, they want you to to see their authentic soul.  When you respect that part, often they give you even more than the Representative you initially met gave you.  They give you true Connection and want you to just be you, which is the ultimate goal in the end.  This takes TIME… if you truly want connection, you will have to learn patience.

Try making a list of all the qualities you want in a mate.  Then take your time to find out if they are what you really want so you don’t fall for the instant gratification trap, which is only an illusion of what you want.  By respecting your own needs, it makes it easier to override disappointment from the Representative Syndrome.

Brightest Blessings,

Daune