Boundaries aren’t for others…

Do you every wonder why you do things for others and aren’t getting the same attention in return? When you are giving and not getting?  When you are asking and not receiving? This has nothing to do with others, it is a direct reflection of your boundaries.  Many have very limited or no boundaries, so they are being treated by others in response to what they are expressing.  I don’t believe in myself, so I will see if you believe in me and be upset with you instead of me.  This is counterproductive and makes you feel drained.  This is not a character flaw of others as you might think, its a respect level you have within.

The fastest way to gain respect is to demand it.  By establishing clear boundaries that express who you are and the life you want to live.  I do not promote asking of others for what you will not do for yourself.  So if you want respect, then you must respect your own needs and values.

If you value money, then you need to value your own money first before others will put the same value on it.  How can others value your hard work and thrifty ways if you are continually giving it away without any clear boundaries of when you will stop spending it.  They learn from watching you and how you stop spending, not how you keep spending.  The same is true in relationships, if you are not clear on what you will and will not accept in a relationship, they will give you what they want, not what you want.  If you value time together, respect your personal time first before you give to them.  If your partner does not see clear boundaries on what you will give to yourself, they will not have a clear picture on how to give it back to you.  Thus, giving you only their limited and maybe disengaged time which might not be what you want.

The simplest way to establish boundaries that others can respect is to say “NO” when when you don’t want to do something.  Or say “YES” only when you are in surplus of time, money or energy to give.  This is a quick way to build your self worth by deciding what you want and not getting emotional about it, but giving clear boundaries as to what is important to you.  If others value you, they will value your boundaries and meet you there.  They will respect you at the value you put on yourself.  Only YOU can decide what that value is.

This is an inside job.  Building Self Worth is respecting yourself first.  Raise your bar and set stronger boundaries, watch what happens… those who love you won’t give you less, but more respect. They will appreciate the blueprint you have established for them to be in your life.

Brightest Blessings,

Daune